The Pioneers of Tomorrow

Remember those good old cartoon series you watched as a kid that filled your head with beautiful imagery of fantastic worlds and that also tried to teach you something? The artists really tried their best to learn us both new words and moral lessons.

In the past decade the idea of education through television slowly found its way to Palestine, but the messenger of these good words appears to have suffered from severe dementia and personality change caused by a brain tumour the size of a house that feeds on stupidity. The end product is the Pioneers Of Tomorrow, a show developed by the ambitious Hamas, who tries to make it big in the television industry.

Hamas, mostly known for their unmatched fervour to sabotage peace treaties, fire rockets and bravely seek cover behind civilians, created a show in which an eight year old teaches other children the beauty of martyrdom. To make it more appealing, she gets the aid of Farfour, the Hamas clone of Mickey Mouse. But where Mickey Mouse wisely kept his mouth shut about politics, Farfour never seems to get enough of shouting one-liners about the Zionist oppression with his incredibly atrocious high pitched voice.

Where Walt Disney's creations had a certain charm and innocence over them. Hamas' version bears as much resemblance to the original as a paper mache aircraft to a real jumbo jet. Seemingly the only thing in common between Disney and Hamas is the anti-Semitism.

In the first season of the Pioneers of Tomorrow - and by pioneers they mean suicide bombers - Farfour gets the key of the land of his dying 30 year old grandfather, a human. Ignoring the suggestion that martyrdom causes rapid devolution, we continue the scene where Farfour gets captured by the Israeli, who like wearing sunglasses indoor. Our brave mouse gets tortured by the Zionist Jack Bauer and dies of a fatal beating.



Thanks Allah, I thought: now that we are rid of that horrendous voice, the series must become more bearable to watch. Unfortunately that dream did not last long. Before my ears were recovered, I could hear the hellish screeching of Nahoul the bee. Assuming the subtitles are correct, I understood that Nahoul took the place of our dear friend Farfour and continue the battle to retake Tel Aviv. Due to budget reasons, Nahoul is done by the same voice actor, but the fact that he has the exact same voice can only be explained as means of torture.



Nahoul goes on a martyr holiday to the Gaza Strip. There he sees starving children and they infect him with the diseases they carry. Nahoul is also hungry, but that doesn't come as a surprise, because there is no honey in the Gaza Strip. It is explained to us that Israel is the cause of the hunger, because they closed the border to Egypt. Supposedly Palestinian children eat bullets and AK-47s, for that is the only thing crossing that border. Anyhow, after a long struggle against the cruel hands of fate, Nahoul succumbs to the fatal infection and our little pioneers lose yet another friend. But, as the under-aged tv-hostess explains, he has died a brave death as a martyr. That's right, fatal food deprivation makes you a martyr.

But let's forgive Hamas for their bad terminology, they were too busy setting various flags on fire and wasting ammunition by shooting bullets into the air. We should hold a moment of silence to remember our irreplaceable buddies Farfour and Nahoul. But wait, what malformed antropomorph is that in the background? That's right, it is Assud - the Jew-eating rabbit! Because he eats Jews, his eyesight is nearly perfect (and he is also good at banking).

Our friend will lead the fight to regain Tel'Arab, but he needs your help. If you are between 5 and 16 years old, sign up for the holy fight now! You too can become a martyr!

In conclusion, I could forgive the Pioneers Of Tomorrow for all of their filthy propaganda if the voices weren't so god-awful and if the background music wasn't such a cacophonous abomination. It sounds like a choir of sand people who have been set on fire.

This series gets the legendary score of 0.5/10. It would have gotten a zero if they played Hitler Jugend songs in the background and danced on the corpses of orphaned Jewish babies.

P.S. I can't wait to go to Hamas Disney Land!